(Big Game 48 submitted his part. WiHalo is a jerk and sent me nothing, so I made him into a midget. This is why we can't have nice things, Wi.)
(I am assuming Kaplan is going to win as of 12:07 when I am posting this. If it changes I will change the bracket.)
Let me be the first to say that this matchup makes absolutely no sense. Sure, at the time of compiling the bracket I thought it would be funny to put two newer posters (Big Game 48 and KB_24) against the Immovable Force that is the WHF. Since only Big Game emailed me his shizzle I can only assume KB_24 is going to act as a closer and bring the pain in the actual thread itself. Who knows how this is going to work, I sure don't.
The vote tallying is entirely ridiculous. It displays different totals literally everytime I check it, varying wildly. Could be vote bots, could be that SB Nation did not account for the fact that someone could be a bad enough dude to create an entire offseason series centered around a poorly programmed voting system. Could be space rabbits. Could be super LA insider Scotty Allen.
As of now Rev has still not used his Wild Card powers, which puts me on edge. I feel as if at any second he could burst out of nowhere like the Kool Aid man with more editing powers and bring the pain down randomly on some unfortunate soul. I have starting preparing for the Halowood vs DoV matchup, and I can safely say that one of the posters has absolutely no chance at moving on. Not going to name names, but DoV needs to step up his game... thats all I have to say.
The degeneration of this series into some sort of venting process to closely document my twisted descent into the oblivion that is my own mind is apparently popular. I received around 50 emails encouraging me to continue chronicling my personal adventures with each post in the series. I hope people are not expecting me to die at the end. We may as well call the bracket challenge "Phi Dies at the End, The Game".
Since the last post of drunken poetic ramblings not much has happened. Wine and Game of Thrones was enjoyed last night, culminating in a surprise visit from She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named. A drunken discussion followed. TIll 5am. The woman has more issues than the X-Men comic books. My boner for chaos and unstable women remains resolute.
(Oddly, Google Image searches for "resolute boner" are entirely Not Safe For Work. Fair warning.)
I can hear you now:
"This is only going to end in disaster"
"Stop making terrible decisions"
"You know you like dudes, stop pretending you dont"
"Women don't satisfy your carnal needs, come to terms with yourself"
"The WNBA is actually enjoyable to watch"
Listen, voices in my head, I don't care what you have to say. I am going to try and change people who obviously have shown they cannot be changed. I'll fix it, damnit.
My next post will most likely be from phone, so it might be weak. If everything falls apart in dramatic fashion you can bet your ass a poorly worded diatribe will be posted somewhere. I have a totally not lame at all beer pong tournament Im going to be participating in on Friday, so wish me luck.
Big Game emailed (mrguyofstuff2@gmail.com) me this, so without further nonsense no one cares about, here is something that is actually relevant to your interests:
"As my vicious first round match up with WiHaloFan drew nearer, I gave some thought about how I would go about pulling off the colossal upset that would propel myself (and my partner KB24) into the Sweet Sixteen of the inaugural Halos Heaven Blogger Tournament. Several strategies crossed my mind. Maybe, I'll could come blazing down the ramp, spandex-clad, stand on the top turnbuckle and yell into the mike that I'm the biggest, baddest mofo in this arena. Or maybe I'll run a smear campaign in hopes of shamelessly plucking votes from the community by running Wi's name through the mud.No... Those weren't going to cut it.It didn't take long to realize the appropriate plan of action. I concluded that if I made a real effort to convince you all to vote for this HH rookie over a first-ballot Halos Heaven Hall of Famer like Wi, you would probably never take me seriously ever again. So instead I want to use this opportunity to praise the great community that is Halos Heaven. Collectively, you guys provide the perfect blend of knowledge, passion, history, and humor that cannot be matched anywhere else. I can only hope that my participation is appreciated in the same way that I value everything you all bring to the table on a daily basis..... My other hope is to draw a better seed in next year's tournament cause this one is fucked up.Wi, may your arsenal of Halolinks and cartoon wit take you to the promised land. Good luck the rest of the way.... Next year the gloves are coming off!Go Halos."
0 recs | 176 comments
Weeeeeeee!
Like ya Big48. Tough draw.
LAASurfin - January 19, 2012
I always thought the Wee stood for this ...
eyespy - January 19, 2012
I thought he pronounced it to rhyme with 'why.'
LanaBanana - January 19, 2012
Yes, you're right it's pronounced WHY-halofan
but “wee” might be more accurate.
WiHaloFan - January 19, 2012
Wyoming?
eyespy - January 19, 2012
or
eyespy - January 19, 2012
Did Hwil Hweaton Hwrite that?
red floyd - January 19, 2012
Wisconsin....therefore the WHY?????
ladybug - January 19, 2012
WHYconsin or
Wis-consin
eyespy - January 19, 2012
Wih-SCON-sin
I lived there briefly. It was weird. And flat. But I liked Milwaukee.
cath619 - January 21, 2012
Really?
I figured that it was full of mountains/hills of some sort.
eyespy - January 21, 2012
Not where I was.
Fuh-lat. Lake Michigan was purty, though. I think up north there is some hilly country?
cath619 - January 21, 2012
Is that the bathroom at the Minneapolis airport?
less cowbell, more 'neau - January 19, 2012
just the avatar alone swayed my vote to Wi...
Downing Rules - January 19, 2012
Gotta go with my man, BigGame48...
Just wait ’til you see my Haren shirt!
5thStarter - January 19, 2012
The comics rule and add so much to the HH experience
Jim gets the vote
mustard_man - January 19, 2012
Phi, don't die at the end.
LanaBanana - January 19, 2012
That was a reference to one of the greatest things ever posted online
John Dies at the End which used to be a free read online and Im sure you can find it somewhere. I just realized its being made into a movie. Interesting.
PhiSlamma - January 19, 2012
Former cohost of lunch time halo talk, author of hilarious comics, and purveyor of halo links.
Some kind of david and goliath action.
Darth Duane - January 19, 2012
...
44FAN - January 19, 2012
He's trying to stay stoic
BUT IT’S SO HILARIOUS!!!
eyespy - January 19, 2012
He's laughing so hard he's crying. Again.
Mayheminthehood - January 19, 2012
"Resolute" Boehner
44FAN - January 19, 2012
"Look at me, I'm f***in' orange!!!"
Commander_Nate - January 19, 2012
Oompa Loompa
Doopity doo.
Clutch - January 19, 2012
Beat me to it.
the Great Weeping Orange.
opiejeanne - January 19, 2012
I
AM laughing out loud!! Even sent it to the hubby
ladybug - January 19, 2012
I think that I would choose Wi over myself
in a head-to-head match-up, that is how integral he is to this site.
Rev Halofan - January 19, 2012
but you are the spiritual leader
44FAN - January 19, 2012
Cult leader?
Darth Duane - January 19, 2012
Dear Leader?
Match Day 5 - January 19, 2012
More like Cult of Personality
Youtube fun
blast21dave - January 19, 2012
I really love that song.
5thStarter - January 19, 2012
Mayheminthehood - January 19, 2012
This is my favorite thing to ever be posted on the internet of all times evar.
Mayheminthehood - January 19, 2012
welp. my work here is done.
eyespy - January 19, 2012
To quote the poet John Rambo: Nothing is over! Nothing!
Mayheminthehood - January 19, 2012
Or Bluto
It’s not over until WE say it’s over!!!
Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?
red floyd - January 19, 2012
.... so stealing this.
PhiSlamma - January 19, 2012
You better not. SOPA will be mad
eyespy - January 19, 2012
No more interwebz for you!!!!
SOPA sees all and knows all!!!!
halofolife - January 19, 2012
My vote is for Wii Halo Fan...
stuck in Romania - January 19, 2012
Mine is for PS3 Halo Fan
Halowitz - January 19, 2012 via mobile
This is pretty straightforward
Mattwelch vs WiHaloFan in the finals! I am voting to make that happen.
BruinHalo - January 19, 2012
eastcoastbias
Rev Halofan - January 19, 2012
I'm just chasing the ratings
Giving the people what they want to see.
BruinHalo - January 19, 2012
can I have a dollar?
eyespy - January 19, 2012
Suspect Suboptimal and Rghan might have something to say about that...
The Limey - January 19, 2012
They were the only 2 challenges I saw in the brackets.
It’ll be rghan v matt welch and subop v wi
That’s a nasty competition, but the favorites are mattwelch and wi in those matchups.
Plus, mattwelch vs subop as a final would be two bloggers of similar style (in terms of fanposts). I like the apples and oranges you get with mattwelch and wi.
BruinHalo - January 19, 2012
I am going to ruin your dreams in the next round
Sorry in advance.
Commander_Nate - January 19, 2012
Stirrups and DOV could be surprise winners...
and you never know which way vote bot swing things. I almost think that we have to vote opposite of what we want for it to turn out right.
stuck in Romania - January 19, 2012
If the Price is Right
I willThey will know.eyespy - January 19, 2012
True,
The Votebot he is fickle.
opiejeanne - January 19, 2012
mY VOTE FOR WIHALOFAN BECAUSE THE PACKERS SUCK
SORRY Phi i dont know how i am not stepping up?
I will beat Halowood becasue he is really a texas fan
DAD OF VLAD - January 19, 2012
Rum ham
I’m sorry rum ham!
blast21dave - January 19, 2012
HalosHeaven Meetup
will have rum ham
DAD OF VLAD - January 19, 2012
can't wait
eyespy - January 19, 2012
I voted for Wi, even though I know it's a guaranteed ass-kickng for me in the next round!
red floyd - January 19, 2012
Poor tactical decision making
The Limey - January 19, 2012
This is what's going to happen in this matchup, sorry about your bad luck BigGame
NathanielS - January 19, 2012
LOL
I’m so stealing this GIF
BigGame48 - January 19, 2012
Damn, bro, show your bus pass next time!
But seriously, what’s the backstory behind this?
Commander_Nate - January 19, 2012
I have no idea
I found it floating around twitter.
NathanielS - January 19, 2012
Guy in white shirt said that Yu Darvish will be the next Pedro Martinez, and give Texas all they need to win multiple titles.
Mayheminthehood - January 19, 2012
So green shirt guy is Daisuke Matsuzaka?
Commander_Nate - January 19, 2012
I think it's Moondoggy's neighbor. He's become a fan since Moon moved nearby.
Mayheminthehood - January 19, 2012
The man has a familiar feel to him
Moondoggy - January 19, 2012
It's a fantasy league baseball dispute from a few years ago.
The guy sitting down wanted to trade Vernon Wells to the kicking guy for Mike Napoli and Juan Rivera.
Either that or the guy sitting down told the other one his boner was hilarious.
snowhor - January 19, 2012
I was actually in a league one year that had a pretty serious dispute
It might have gone like this gif had the offended parties actually met in person.
Commander_Nate - January 19, 2012
So what did you guys decide?
Hilarious boner or not?
snowhor - January 19, 2012
Dude, when is it not?
Commander_Nate - January 19, 2012
You've obviously never spent time in a state penitentiary.
Mayheminthehood - January 19, 2012
Pick up that soap
Moondoggy - January 19, 2012
As long as you don't make eye contact, it isn't gay.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
halofolife - January 19, 2012
I guess only when they're resolute.
Or in prison, as per mayhem.
snowhor - January 19, 2012
That dude meant business
Fucking hell, good thing I don’t live in the US anymore, instead only in the UK where I get my ass beat like this on a weekly, rather than daily, basis.
highlandhalo - January 19, 2012
What is so funny about this?
That defenceless guy (he had his hands up) was viciously assaulted an could have been killed. No place on a baseball blog, thank you very much.
~ highland
highlandhalo - January 19, 2012
I get the feeling he was giving the dame some shit
and the cop/military guy didn’t take to kindly to it. But still wrong, and yes, has no place on a baseball blog.
eyespy - January 19, 2012
So, no sex and no violence...
Can we still talk about pot?
5thStarter - January 19, 2012
Then ask it to be taken down.
Didn’t intend to offend.
NathanielS - January 19, 2012 via iPhone app
DAD OF VLAD VS SubOp 2012
Halos2011champs - January 19, 2012 via mobile
It is almost a guarentee that this is what the tourny will end with
ryanfea - January 19, 2012
Dammit Jim, I can only vote ONCE!
ladybug - January 19, 2012
Were you drinking wine of purpose, or did you just run out of other booze, it was past 2am and you remembered you had some in a gift basket given to you for Christmas from the doctor's office?
Mayheminthehood - January 19, 2012
LOL BONERS ARE HILARIOUS!!!!
red floyd - January 19, 2012
No diss to the other guys, they are cool too
But we are talkin’ WiHaloFan here
ryanfea - January 19, 2012
I think it'd be bad form for me to campaign for votes
So I’d like to take this opportunity to say thank you to everyone in our HH family (and that’s everyone who spends any amount of time here) for all of your kind words. The last few months have been “interesting” in my life and I’m glad all of you here were here for me.
As sort of a fatherly advice-thing to Phi (and you other recently single guys), I’ve been spending my new, post divorce freedom doing what newly divorced 50 year-old geezers do…{insert BONERZ ARE HILARIOUS joke here} and I’ve learned it’s okay to think this, but never say it out loud:
Thanks!
WiHaloFan - January 19, 2012
"These big vagina ladies are getting away with murder."
Mayheminthehood - January 19, 2012
adore that episode
2pintsofbooze - January 19, 2012
*Nod*
PhiSlamma - January 19, 2012
Disgusting
in so many ways. I would like my son to enjoy this site at some point and I understand what you’re going through Jim, but c’mon.
highlandhalo - January 19, 2012
Geez, sorry Stu.
And sorry to anyone else who thought that was disgusting.
WiHaloFan - January 20, 2012
I thought it was awesome
2pintsofbooze - January 20, 2012
I'm a divorced 30-year-old chick,
and even I thought it was funny.
cath619 - January 21, 2012
2pintsofbooze - January 22, 2012
Newly divorced 50 year old geezers
Should visit Moondoggy in Thailand
Moondoggy - January 19, 2012
How about dudes in their late 30's?
Because it sounds like fun!
halofolife - January 19, 2012
How about guys in their early 30's that are on the run from Johnny Law and need somewhere to lay low for awhile(Read: 15 years or so)?
Mayheminthehood - January 19, 2012
I know a guy
ItCouldHappen - January 19, 2012
Welcome to the Hotel Bangkok
you can check out any time you like
Moondoggy - January 19, 2012
But you can never leave!
red floyd - January 20, 2012
I would love to.
I would like to visit Moondoggy wherever he his.
WiHaloFan - January 20, 2012
Phi, I seen that the bottom of your bracket is getting a little muddled with the edits
so I added some extra space for you to work on.
eyespy - January 19, 2012
Thank you sir.
PhiSlamma - January 19, 2012
Big Game 48 came out of the gates as a more than solid contributer, and hasn't looked back since his arrival
but I still gotta go with Wi on this one. every time I log on to HH and see that a new comic has been posted I literally (figuratively) shart myself.
2pintsofbooze - January 19, 2012
Big Game 48, as stated above, is a solid contributor.
But he is not the workhorse that is WiHaloFan. Wi gets my vote.
angelslogic - January 19, 2012
Honestly I just want Yetijuice to resurface for his epic clash with Stirrups
I’d buy a new laptop to read that … hell, when is it available on Kindle?
highlandhalo - January 19, 2012
Who gives a shit anymore?
This tournament has too many rounds.
alcor805 - January 19, 2012
BANG! BANG!
Reverend’s
silverbanning hammer …eyespy - January 19, 2012
and you do not get the meaning of this either
eyespy - January 19, 2012
down upon his head
ItCouldHappen - January 19, 2012
Made sure that he was dead!
red floyd - January 19, 2012
I sent you an email, dude.
Need your opinion on
nude picssomething.Mayheminthehood - January 19, 2012
Ooooh boobies
I’m on it.
eyespy - January 19, 2012 via Android app
[disapointment]
strike through doesn’t show up on the phone app
eyespy - January 19, 2012
Its like March Madness
Interest is at its maximum as it starts and in the later rounds.
PhiSlamma - January 20, 2012
*fixed
Its like
MarchMadnesseyespy - January 20, 2012
Gotta vote Wi
He is glue that holds HH together in many ways
COMICS. Period. WiHaloFan has his own section/hall-of-fame for his work.
He’s still missed on Lunch Time Halo Talk.
Halolinks, the morning equivalent of having a newspaper devoted to Angels/MLB news front and center ready to go. No day is complete without a heaping serving of Halolinks.
blast21dave - January 19, 2012
when I get to work and log on to my computer
the very first thing I go to is HH, and then straight to Halolinks. Before reading the links I go to the kitchen, get a cup of coffee and a bowl of oatmeal, bring them back to my desk, sip on my coffee while slowly spooning warm and soggy meal of oats into my mouth, and then finally read the Halolinks.
Once this ritual is finalized and I have placed my vote on whatever question Wihalo put into the poll that morning, only then am I ready to be a productive worker bee and contribute positively to the organization’s success.
2pintsofbooze - January 20, 2012
This sounds strangely similar to my morning routine
Except mine includes a Ham & Cheese Croissant
Seik1177 - January 20, 2012
oh wow, I don't even remember writing this
2pints had more than 2 pints last night
2pintsofbooze - January 20, 2012
BigGame/KB24 +60%..
….is looking like it’s gonna cover!!
BigGame48 - January 19, 2012
We'll see. I don't think VoteBot has spoken yet.
Mayheminthehood - January 19, 2012
I'm kinda digging VoteBot
He’s a dead-pull swing kind of hitter. An anti-Hatcher type.
blast21dave - January 20, 2012
Damn Vote Bot
Blew my cover.
BigGame48 - January 20, 2012
I think VoteBot has spoken
Went and doubled the vote count for Wi.
blast21dave - January 20, 2012
Well, so far, you've got more than Dono
ONE more than Dono
Moondoggy - January 20, 2012
Well this was a predictable shoeing...
…not even votebot, with all his whimsical might, can swing this one
The Limey - January 20, 2012
Guys, what are we gonna do when VoteBot becomes self-aware?
Commander_Nate - January 20, 2012
Run
run as fast as we can
PhiSlamma - January 20, 2012
Hope that a terminator from the future comes to save us?
red floyd - January 20, 2012
----------
eyespy - January 20, 2012
new-n-improved
eyespy - January 20, 2012
How many zeros can you add to a bank account balance?
Commander_Nate - January 20, 2012
Give me the acct.#; routing #; plus your password
one
eyespy - January 20, 2012
I am literally placing my fingerprint on the screen right now
You can use that to get the info, right?
Commander_Nate - January 20, 2012
Yes Nate. If that is what you wish.
I am only here to help out in anyway want.
eyespy - January 20, 2012
If I put my credit card in my CD drive does that work
ItCouldHappen - January 20, 2012
I once had to remove a credit card from a floppy drive
Good times.
PhiSlamma - January 20, 2012
You could try and swipe it
eyespy - January 20, 2012
Giggety!!!
red floyd - January 20, 2012
I think that Vote bot should have an automatic bye all the way into the finals and see if our top poster can defeat him/her.
stuck in Romania - January 20, 2012
OT... Who's "BigTizzie"? Is she related to the Big Tizzle?
red floyd - January 20, 2012
Be interesting to see if Big Tizzle shows up for his match
And see how soon till someone mentions Vernon Wells.
steelgolf - January 20, 2012
Lets just replace him with eyespy
F it.
PhiSlamma - January 20, 2012
I did some mod-magic...
thebigtizzle hasn’t been to the site since Sept 22, 2011
WiHaloFan - January 20, 2012
he bailed when he knew the VW onslaught was coming his way
2pintsofbooze - January 20, 2012
No No No No No
eyespy - January 20, 2012
So that is a yes, right?
PhiSlamma - January 20, 2012
I lived in Japan
where a yes means no, and a no means no.
NO!
eyespy - January 20, 2012
So, I could put you in
and you could make a case for people NOT to vote for you, this cant fail.
PhiSlamma - January 20, 2012
Funke5ive - January 23, 2012
So you're saying there's a chance?
red floyd - January 20, 2012
Can a Mathis hit .200?
eyespy - January 20, 2012
Well, we need a replacement for Tizz
suggestions?
PhiSlamma - January 20, 2012
Bruno Mars
sorry i mean eyespy
DAD OF VLAD - January 20, 2012
eyespy should get it
Otherwise I think you would have to do a “qualifier match” between Phi and Mayhem to see who takes on Rally Monkey 5
steelgolf - January 20, 2012
Eyespey or resurrection round.
Commander_Nate - January 20, 2012
I already posted all my hatemail towards the original snubbing
eyespy - January 20, 2012
qualifier match sounds good
eyespy - January 20, 2012
Not being available
didn’t stop halowood
eyespy - January 20, 2012
But JohnSamo wasn't there either.
red floyd - January 20, 2012
Eye Spy!
Geev um, Brah!
LAASurfin - January 20, 2012
I say 44Fan
stuck in Romania - January 20, 2012
very good choice
eyespy - January 20, 2012
QUALIFIER MATCH
of those who lost already or new person?
PhiSlamma - January 20, 2012
new person
a lot of god posters were discounted in the original seeding (by no fault of yours, of course)
2pintsofbooze - January 20, 2012
Either one will do
I’m sure Phi has a load of e-mails to choose from.
steelgolf - January 20, 2012
too much riggin' in the friggin'
eyespy - January 20, 2012
I really think it should be eyespy
we could use the pacific island representation.
steelgolf - January 20, 2012
Agree 110%!!
Moondoggy - January 20, 2012
Agree 115%
LanaBanana - January 20, 2012
I'll see your 115% and raise you 10%
ladybug - January 20, 2012
Limey or 44fan
eyespy - January 20, 2012
You're not dodging it that easily...
…another vote for eyespy
The Limey - January 21, 2012
And another!
Shaka!
cath619 - January 21, 2012
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