Halos Heaven

After a 1-2 visit to the Big A in the season’s opening weekend, the Boston Red Sox are back in Anaheim a month later for three more games with an Angels team that basically hates them. How many of them get suspended during this go around is entirely up to them and their chump consciences.

A closer look at the John Henry millionaire momma’s boys club will induce respect in any opposition, though, as the guys on the field are not the ones wearing the pink hats.

David Ortiz seems suddenly powerless. Maybe he is not like his good friend Manny Ramirez and has foregone kickstarting his testosterone levels. He has no HR. It is like Chone Figgins with a 150-LB backpack. Big Papi has a big problem. Let’s hope he doesn’t solve it in the warm California Sun.

Dustin Pedroia has an aching groin and will not play Tuesday night. He might play Wednesday. With a day game Thursday, we might only see ferret face for one game this season. I actually gained an ounce of respect for the dweeb when he appeared in that commercial for the computer game that had accurately programmed in his batting weaknesses.

Kevin Youkilis had a hot start but now he has an aching back. He will likely be in the lineup but not at 100%. Nice.

Jason Bay looks like he should be preaching the gospel in an Amish town square (actually, do the Amish believe in allowing town squares?), but in reality he is the best player on the team at the moment and has shown himself to be an Angel killer.

Jacoby Ellsbury is a bust.

Mike Lowell is putting up some good numbers but Oz never did give nothing to the Tin Man that he didn’t, didn’t already have, so when the rustoleum wears off, look for the hatchet to drop hard on this one...

Nick Green is not the pitcher we waived who ended up a Brewer, he is a weak excuse for a shortstop.

Jason Varitek is not to be underestimated (just ask Reggie Willits) and yet he is creaking along in his captaincy, the object of more affectionate Massachusetts mancrushes than William Weld cutting taxes in a speedo.

J.D. Drew is ready to pop a hangnail if he can figure out how to get paid for it.

The pitching match-ups favor the Angels

TUESDAY: Justin Masterson VS. Jered Weaver
The Weave has turned a corner and become a dominant starter. Masterson runs out of gas after 50 pitches like a rooster crowing at dawn.

WEDNESDAY: Tim Wakefield VS. Matt Palmer
Palmer has been nails and getting better – will the magic wear off or is this for real? Wakefield is the best starter in the Chowdage rotation and always on the knuckleball tightrope. The smoke and mirrors magic continues for the first major leaguer who will be pitching with an AARP discount card in his back pocket.

THURSDAY: Brad Penny VS. Joe Saunders
Penny has a 6.90 ERA. Saunders doesn’t. Only forseeable problem for the Angels is that Saundo will be pitching on light rest considering he pitched a complete game Saturday night and Thursday is a day game. Maybe I am stretching with that one.

BULLPENS: They have a good one and we have a good one that doesn't do the sphincter shuffle after a strikeout, so there you have it, we rock and with class!

FANS: Only Angel fans are Angel fans. Idiot trendoid fratboys and couch-potato ESPN conformists comprise a majority of Red Sox Nation.